A Moment in Time: June 18th, 2012. Observing Our Addictions
Here I am again, wanting to share another of my moments. This time it will be a little bit different, as I would like to talk about the encounter I had last Saturday night with a beautiful and talented young woman who I have known since she was a little girl. I think it is important to highlight her story because she is just one of the millions of cases of individuals in this “modern” world who struggle while they try to understand life and search for a path that can lead them to their true selves. Fiona has lost all motivation. She feels lost as she still doesn’t see the love that surrounds her or even worse, the love that she is.
We were both invited to this party: A dinner for all of us there to celebrate the miracle of being alive. Instead, Fiona decided to show the colors that she is currently wearing. Not her true colors but those that show up when darkness rules the psyche and light still is a minuscule dot invisible to the human eye. My beloved friend is an alcoholic and her addiction is not allowing her to see beyond addiction itself. Einstein’s quote stating that no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that has created it comes to mind as I’m writing these words.
Before I continue, I must define what an “addiction” means to me. Any habit that we cannot stop is an addiction, simple as that and yet so destructive to humankind. If I could personify the addictions we humans suffer from, I would have to label them as assassins of our dreams and murderers of our hopes.
While I was the observer of Fiona’s behavior at this gathering, I was remembering the existence of the fine line that creates balance and separates the extremes that characterize this dual world that we live in, the line separating good and bad, negative and positive, love and fear, heart and mind, and all the different sets of extremes that are a part of this reality we experience until we die. Evidently, Fiona’s “thin line” disappeared in front of my eyes and all I could see was a woman without any type of self-control or self-love. Someone that has lost balance and is living in only one extreme without even noticing she’s missing the other one. Those around her wanted to help her but instead, she kept asking for more champagne and making a fool of herself.
I wonder how the heart feels when the mind and all its demons, has totally possessed a person that is no longer a being but only an intoxicated body without a clue of the opportunity that it means to be alive.
It would be interesting to know how many of the “accidental” deaths in this world happen while people are in this state of “not being themselves.” There she was sitting in front of me as the candlelight showed me her psychotic eyes filled with nonsense while she was trying to cut the skin of her arm with the table knife and the rest of guests stared in disbelief at the grotesque scene. No one knew if she was laughing or crying, if she was happy or sad. Of course, she was only “playing” with the table knife but then I wondered again: why is it that some of us can’t decide to learn how to love ourselves from within instead of begging for love on the outside in the most absurd ways?
The party was soon over. My heart left empty and with a feeling that it hadn’t been a night to celebrate but instead, a night to remember my recent past. Yes, I understand Fiona and all those who are lost in this world. Once I was lost too, once I was an addict too and I couldn’t see any possibility of change. I know what it feels to be there and I also know that there is always a way out.
My message today is for those individuals who accept they have an addiction. If you know one please share this article. It is crucial to understand that chemical substances, drugs, food, people, behaviors, feelings, thoughts or beliefs are NOT the ones responsible for our current circumstances. The time has come to recognize that it is us creating all that is happening in our reality. Therefore, it is us and only us the ones that can say “enough is enough” and start healing ourselves with the first step: Letting go of victimhood and taking responsibility for our lives. There is nothing “outside” for us to keep on blaming, there is everything “inside” of us waiting to teach us how to forgive and love the amazing beings that we already are.
I love you dearly Fiona. As someone who was once drowning in the darkest ocean of the most addictive currents and swirls, my heart’s suggestion to yours is to ask for help. No one is alive to die without achieving their purpose. It is so important to accept that we’re never alone and that we can always find the help that we need. What is the secret? We must ask for it so that it is given!
To all the “Fionas” out there (men and women), my love goes to you as well, please don’t let the mind keep ruling the game and allow the heart to show you that it is fine to become vulnerable so that true empowerment comes back to your life. We have been born empowered; once we leave our addictions we are able to feel the power again and finally meet our true Self.
Until next time and don’t forget to be love!