Seven Lessons Before I was Able to Become Love. Lesson #3: Patience
About the new blog series: “Seven Lessons Before I was Able to Become Love” is a collection of eight short articles where I share eight values I consider the origin of the person I am today. After the eight articles are all published on my blog, I will be offering a free mini e-book with these as chapters that will easily connect and complete the sequence in one little self-help book that you will be able to download at no cost as my way of saying thank you for letting me be a part of your world and making it possible to HealThruWords®.
The fact that my daughters weren’t living with me any longer was one of the most painful circumstances I have had to confront so far. Back in 2004 when I had accepted the invitation to study my last master’s degree program in Washington DC, my intention had been to leave Bogota, the city where I lived at that time, and bring them with me so that the three of us could be together and study at the same time. My ex-husband refused my proposal and did all things possible so they couldn’t travel abroad. As they were still minors and they needed his legal consent for visa and immigration purposes I was faced with the toughest decision of all: If I stayed I would lose the opportunity of liberating from the poisonous tentacles of this man who still had not forgiven me for divorcing him four years before and who would do anything to see me failing at whatever I’d do to succeed without him. And if I’d leave I would have to leave my girls with their father and additionally, pay him to do so. I never understood this behavior of his, it wasn’t that he needed the money, he was a multi-millionaire for goodness’ sake! Much less I understood my daughters’ attitude after finishing my degree in 2006 and wanting to go back and live with the two of them. They rejected me saying they would only live with their dad from there on.
Here is where the lesson of patience began to take effect on me. I considered all this to be so unfair that I thought about going to court but then my spiritual side had continued to empower me so much that it just felt wrong to begin a new battle after the one I was still in as a consequence of my divorce. I kept following my heart. It insisted that everything was perfect just as it was, and that I only had to wait for things to settle on their own. At times, I felt so defeated and frustrated! The ways of the heart were so…pacific! It felt strange to respond in this way when I had been so used to react and fight back. The truth is I was tired of fighting – even if it were only internally – with this man who kept winning all my tries. This time I decided I wouldn’t insist on controlling the outcome. I would just wait.
Life was taking good care of me though. I didn’t have my daughters and I still had no money but deep inside it all felt as if I was acting in the way I should. My inner voice used to offer me such loving messages that this is how I got to survive. It wasn’t easy to live while knowing the rumors and judgments from people who didn’t even know the real story. All of a sudden, my ex-husband had become the victim of this heartless woman I had become according to many who didn’t know me well.
My heart was bigger than never before, and I was becoming more loving every day, even though I was the only one experiencing it. Because I was healing myself I was the only one who truly mattered. Life was being patient with me at the same time I was being patient with life.
I didn’t know the results of my patient wait. I didn’t even know what I was waiting for! All my heart whispered was that everything was perfect just as it was. All I could do was to keep practicing patience for three more years.
One early morning, back in September 2009, when I was about to finish my first novel which later on became a best-seller, I was in New Orleans at my sister’s home when I got a phone call from my youngest daughter asking me to immediately take a plane and meet them in Bogota. Their dad had just died in a terrible accident at the age of 52.
My wait had stopped in an instant. For a short while, my patience became impatience thanks to all the questions I had in my mind and no one could answer. I couldn’t believe anything of what was happening. It took me many months to start believing my ex-husband’s death. I had been so accustomed to think my beast would live forever in my dream. Now it was gone forever…
Soon after this loss, two things became clear to me. First, if back in 2004 I would not have left my daughters living with their father in Colombia while I studied in the United States, they would not have been able to spend together the last five years of life that he had left. Second, thanks to my patience, life brought my daughters back into my life. I didn’t understand or imagined the how, but I never lost hope and I never stopped believing. Life brought me what I deserved.
Today, I know everything happens for a reason, I don’t force things and I just let life show me the way even when my mind still tries to suggest otherwise.
Stay tuned for the next blog of “Seven Lessons Before I was Able to Become Love” with Lesson #4: Responsibility. Coming out next June 20th!
Until next time and don’t forget to be love!