Seven Lessons Before I was Able to Become Love. Lesson #6: Acceptance
About the new blog series: “Seven Lessons Before I was Able to Become Love” is a collection of eight short articles where I share eight values I consider the origin of the person I am today. After the eight articles are all published on my blog, I will be offering a free mini e-book with these as chapters that will easily connect and complete the sequence in one little self-help book that you will be able to download at no cost as my way of saying thank you for letting me be a part of your world and making it possible to HealThruWords®
If you missed lesson #5, please click here.
The opening of my heart brought the type of wisdom I would have never been able to acquire through the knowledge gained by my mind. It’s funny but we humans have a very strange way of learning our lessons. We simply don’t like to change, period. This is our strongest handicap because avoiding change becomes our most cherished hobby without knowing that this is how we keep deceiving ourselves by preferring to believe we can truly control our lives.
Deep inside we all know that we only control a very superficial level of our reality. Once I had lost everyone and everything I had in my life there was a period where my ego kept trying to make me believe the two of us would win this battle and that together we could recover all that I had lost. But did I want that? Did I want to go back to all that I knew had not been enough for me to feel whole and complete?
In any case, it really didn’t matter because nothing was working and the results I was getting through the efforts of this ‘Ego & Me Team’ were simply disastrous. Now I know that it was God’s way of making me come to a place of surrender where I could finally discover my true nature. I hit rock bottom. I was without a job, homeless, living at my sister’s home while I helped her with the housekeeping duties and surviving thanks to the aid of my brother who would send me some few hundreds of dollars now and then, so I could pay my monthly bills. Yes, it was very sad for my own self to observe the scarcity I had fallen into. My humility kept growing that’s for sure! My ego was so worried it would soon lose its managerial position that all it did was stay in the couch I had imagined for it in front of a cozy chimney and stare at the flames with its worried face knowing I was becoming more and more empowered without its help (the imaginary couch was an exercise I learned years before when I had become desperate with my ego’s presence and found out I could make it stay there in pause as long as I would maintain my awareness.)
God was teaching me how to surrender, how to understand that none of what I was experiencing was within my reach. My letting go was really painful. I know the courage and strength I used during those times weren’t really mine, I had borrowed them from God. I had to live the worst humiliation so I could finally accept I wasn’t alone and that I needed to ask for help. How stubborn can someone be? It took more than forty years before I could accept help from above! What was I thinking of? That I was this superwoman with this superego that could do more than God? Perhaps, but at that point none of my dysfunctional thoughts mattered anymore. When I decided to surrender, what I was truly deciding was to accept the totality of God – yes, not a portion but the wholeness of God – within my heart.
It wasn’t a religious God the one who came to my rescue. This God that had appeared as all there was and all there is, was beyond human interpretation and somehow encompassed all human religions, traditions, philosophies and beliefs. There wasn’t a space of this universe where this God wouldn’t be. So it was comprehensible that my whole self would be filled of it. Now I was Ms. Nobody who had No-thing but who cared if I was completely filled with God! A God that I just couldn’t describe and I still can’t but which made me feel so loved and so go(o)d. The reverence I felt was all that mattered to me, the fact that God had invaded me was enough to understand this wasn’t something for me to analyze. I simply accepted it, just as I accepted that a bulb could be turned on with electricity and yet I didn’t know how that worked. At last, life started to become easier and simpler.
It became that way because I did the impossible so that my ego could stay away, and only be the observer of what God kept creating with me. This was the key that allowed God to take possession of me from head to toes: the fact that the ego passed from being my boss to being my heart’s assistant. From that day on, God moved in and started living through me, and as me. No religions, temples or wars between faiths were attached to this new God. There wasn’t a possibility the ego could understand what was happening. It was beyond its capacity. It became docile before this new home owner that had arrived to stay forever.
When I chose to accept this new God – more ancient than all universes and yet new to me – that was so different to the one I have learned to fear through my Catholic upbringing, it was when I finally started seeing changes in my outer reality. Slowly but surely, everything started to improve. Why? Because I had finally met my true self, I had gotten to understand who I truly was and the God that lived within was now the one in control of my life. I accepted God, and my ego mind finally made peace with God who had been “I AM” all along. My divinity started shining once I became aware I was supposed to make it shine.
My inner demons and battles had all ended and for the first time I was able to understand what peace was all about. That same peace that so many of my masters have talked about and showed me as the goal I should seek. Suddenly, through this peace, everything became united. My consciousness, my subconscious and even my unconscious, were now parts of this drop that was simultaneously the ocean of God. Drop and ocean coexisted as one throughout eternity. I was still alive but I had already found my salvation.
Stay tuned for the next blog of “Seven Lessons Before I was Able to Become Love” with Lesson #7: Gratitude. Coming out next August 5th!
Until next time and don’t forget to be love!